The decision to place a child with an adoptive family is one many birth mothers come to after hours of counseling, professional and from family and friends. Even with the best preparations for what is to come through adoption, the birth mother is hopefully allowed a second chance to pursue life that otherwise may have ended with single parenthood. Despite the counseling, there is little that can prepare a woman for the possible coming of feelings such as sadness, guilt, regret or grief following a placement.
One the revocation period has passed and the adoption has been finalized, a birth mother will have to come to terms with her decision, knowing it was in the best interest of the child and herself. And yet there will undoubtedly be moments in a birth mother and adoptee's life when the curiosity about one another and what life may have been had the adoption placement never occurred. Adoption loss is, ultimately, the term used to describe the feelings of grief that birth parents may feel after placing their child with an adoptive family.
Natural hormone imbalances can contribute to adoption loss in the form of post partum depression. Follow up post pregnancy care will be important to help identify forms of post partum depression before it spirals into something more. If the grief becomes too unbearable, a birth mother or father can join support groups to discuss his or her feelings. Meeting with a therapist or counselor can really help sort out and clarify these feelings. Identifying goals and milestones can help move from loss and depression to hopefulness and clarity again.
Once the adoptee is of legal age, the birth parents may consider registering with a state search and reunion registry or through services offered by a search agency. Reunion can sometimes bring feelings of hope, and a certain closure to the mystery of closed adoptions. In most recent cases, adoptions are open, allowing the birth parent a window into the child’s life. Sometimes this can be more painful than comforting as the birth parent then has to say good bye repeatedly each time the child goes home with their adoptive parents.
Adoption loss is a very real feeling. Birth parents should find a healthy focus to work towards, ultimately reducing the loss they feel in their lives.
Articles About "Adoption Loss"
Social Worker: Adoption Issues Faced by Teens
What are some of the adoption issues teenagers face? While it is difficult to make a general statement about such a diverse group as adopted teenagers, it can be said that adopted persons generally lead normal healthy lives that are no different from the lives of non- adopted persons. They... Adoption and Loss:
Adoption and Loss: The Hidden Grief By Evelyn Burns Robinson Clova Publications, 2000 Reviewed by Jane Edwards In a story about fathers searching for their firefighter sons in the World Trade Center rubble, Charlie LeDuff of the New York Times News Service wrote: "They say the worst thing in life... What Mental Health Professionals Can Do for Adoptees in Crisis
1. Be aware during hospitalization that the adoptee is looking at most events occurring around him/her through a lens of rejection (visiting family leaving, psychiatrist leaving, no feedback from therapy group, etc). 2. When adoptees reach the core of their pain, they feel like orphans. 3. When... The Words We Use
Is there a better way to frame and discuss our experience as mothers who have given up a child than the language of self-help and 12 step groups, medicine and trauma? For many, that language seems to work well and has been rapidly embraced by adoption reform writers. There is relief in seeing...
"Adoption Loss" in the Adoption Blogs
Celebrating Adoptive Families
November 15, 2007, 5:37 am
Sometimes posts about adoption can get me feeling a bit down. Topics like "adoptive grief" or "adoption loss" definitely have their place, but adoption is not solely about grief and loss. Adoption is also about joy! It is about families coming together and agreeing to be related forever even... Recognizing and Helping Heal Adoption Loss
January 15, 2008, 11:40 am
On my post, Which Behaviors are Adoption-Related and Which are Not? , Lisa, our Guatemala Adoption blogger, left the following comment:
Sensitivity in humans varies of course, but I truly believe that the separation from their birth mother, and later from their foster mother (as in children... Weekly Recap: November 5-11
November 11, 2007, 9:30 am
The first full week of November was, well, full! It was also the first full week of NaBloPoMo and I'm happy to announce that the birth/first parent blog is on schedule! I'm not 100% sure that we'll meet the challenge this year if our son arrives early but, alas, we'll keep on keeping on in...
Stories About "Adoption Loss"
Sharing Her Grief Story:
[Thank you to Jody Moreen for openly sharing her thoughts and emotions. It will help us to better parent our children.]I am an adult adoptee, age 46, and I have traveled the journey of loss and...
"Adoption Loss" on Adoption.com
Web Results for "Adoption Loss"