The decision to place a child with an adoptive family is one many birth mothers come to after hours of counseling, professional and from family and friends. Even with the best preparations for what is to come through adoption, the birth mother is hopefully allowed a second chance to pursue life that otherwise may have ended with single parenthood. Despite the counseling, there is little that can prepare a woman for the possible coming of feelings such as sadness, guilt, regret or grief following a placement.
One the revocation period has passed and the adoption has been finalized, a birth mother will have to come to terms with her decision, knowing it was in the best interest of the child and herself. And yet there will undoubtedly be moments in a birth mother and adoptee's life when the curiosity about one another and what life may have been had the adoption placement never occurred. Adoption loss is, ultimately, the term used to describe the feelings of grief that birth parents may feel after placing their child with an adoptive family.
Natural hormone imbalances can contribute to adoption loss in the form of post partum depression. Follow up post pregnancy care will be important to help identify forms of post partum depression before it spirals into something more. If the grief becomes too unbearable, a birth mother or father can join support groups to discuss his or her feelings. Meeting with a therapist or counselor can really help sort out and clarify these feelings. Identifying goals and milestones can help move from loss and depression to hopefulness and clarity again.
Once the adoptee is of legal age, the birth parents may consider registering with a state search and reunion registry or through services offered by a search agency. Reunion can sometimes bring feelings of hope, and a certain closure to the mystery of closed adoptions. In most recent cases, adoptions are open, allowing the birth parent a window into the childís life. Sometimes this can be more painful than comforting as the birth parent then has to say good bye repeatedly each time the child goes home with their adoptive parents.
Adoption loss is a very real feeling. Birth parents should find a healthy focus to work towards, ultimately reducing the loss they feel in their lives.
Articles About "Adoption Loss"
Tasks at Reunion
With the emotions and issues that may surface at reunion, there are tasks to deal with them as well. It is essential to find ways to deal with all those emotions and issues which that may be confounding you. Those tasks include: Grieving Your Loss Forgiveness Incorporating Your Birth Family... Birthmothers: Grief, Loss, Shame & Guilt
Acknowledging grief over the loss of a child through adoption, and dealing with feelings of shame and guilt are important steps for parents who placed voluntarily and for those who did not. Some find solace through therapy or counselors while others may prefer to write out their stories in blog or... Common Clinical Issues Among Adoptees Who Have Received Psychological Treatment
1. Disrupted attachment of feelings of disconnectedness (especially in delayed adoptions). With infant adoptions there is a sense of ambiguous attachment, a tenuous sense of attachment. Even if loved, an adoptee may feel like they don't fit in or belong in the family. 2. Splitting of good/bad... Losing a Sibling: Helping Your Child Cope with Adoption Reversal
Adults hoping to become adoptive parents can experience with similar degrees of intensity three distinctly different losses related to an anticipated adoption that isn't completed ... Miscarriage, stillbirth and other pre-placement deaths of a hoped-for baby happen in adoption at rates nearly...
"Adoption Loss" in the Adoption Blogs
Celebrating Adoptive Families
November 15, 2007, 5:37 am
Sometimes posts about adoption can get me feeling a bit down. Topics like "adoptive grief" or "adoption loss" definitely have their place, but adoption is not solely about grief and loss. Adoption is also about joy! It is about families coming together and agreeing to be related forever even... Weekly Recap: November 5-11
November 11, 2007, 9:30 am
The first full week of November was, well, full! It was also the first full week of NaBloPoMo and I'm happy to announce that the birth/first parent blog is on schedule! I'm not 100% sure that we'll meet the challenge this year if our son arrives early but, alas, we'll keep on keeping on in... Recognizing and Helping Heal Adoption Loss
January 15, 2008, 11:40 am
On my post, Which Behaviors are Adoption-Related and Which are Not? , Lisa, our Guatemala Adoption blogger, left the following comment:
Sensitivity in humans varies of course, but I truly believe that the separation from their birth mother, and later from their foster mother (as in children...
Stories About "Adoption Loss"
Sharing Her Grief Story:
[Thank you to Jody Moreen for openly sharing her thoughts and emotions. It will help us to better parent our children.]I am an adult adoptee, age 46, and I have traveled the journey of loss and...