Depending on which side of the adoption triad one finds him or herself searching as, the outcome of an adoption search may seem more like an initial meeting or a reunion. Either way, the means usually justify the end as the search process asks one to reflect on his or her reason for searching. often sustaining the very curiosity that attracts many to the idea of reunion.
A successful adoption search will reunite an adoptee and his or her birth relative. And after all of the hard work, time, financial input and emotional obstacles have been overcome in the search process, what may come post-reunion is the rest of the up-hill journey to establishing a relationship with one's pre-adoptive or pre-placement past. Sometimes, reuniting with one's birth mother may not go as planned. It is, after all, impossible to regain the years apart from one another. Adoptees and birth parents who search are encouraged to join support groups to provide an outlet for discussing any difficult situations that arise.
Reunited adoptees and birth relatives may be able to expect to enter into one of many stages of reunion. There are various collections of stages, one of which is a list of adapted stages from the Kubler-Ross stages of grief. The first stage is "Shock and Denial," during which the two parties feel positive about meeting one another and spend a considerable amount of time connecting. As with anything in sudden excess, the parties may soon become apprehensive about the relationship and want to spend time apart from one another to normalize their perception of the relationship. This may be followed by a denial of their initial euphoric reaction. From here, the parties may experience anger and guilt toward the other. Following this, the two parties may feel they just need a "time out" and that this can allow their sense of normalcy to return. Because this is a passive approach to intense emotions, adoptees and birth relatives may become depressed, which must then be overcome with acceptance. How long this post-meeting process takes varies by person, but in the end a deeper understanding of self will most likely manifest in the parties' perceptions toward the relationship and they may reunite again to clarify and define the relationship.
Category: Search And Reunion
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Mother's Day Support
May 7, 2013, 9:09 pm
To All Birth Mothers on Mother's Day... The truth is I don’t care if I am not acknowledged on Mother’s Day. If it is too threatening for the other mother to even think I may get a call from my daughter let alone “share” time with her on mother’s day - then perhaps that mother should ask herself...Why can't everyone just get along...
May 21, 2013, 12:27 pm
I had a tough time growing up, dcf was called out to our home though they never took me from my family I just kept living with my mom the substance abuser and dad who worked 70+ hours. My dad, still naive as to what always went on when he was gone, is against us adopting. He said "All of them are...
She asked if she could call me mom...
May 13, 2013, 6:39 pm
So I have a 9yr old little girl that was placed for adoption at birth. I found her aparents through the same agency that handled my adoption (I am also an adoptee). I met them when I was 7 months pregnant. Long story a tad bit shorter, aparents divorced when dd was 3 years old because adad was...Mother's Day
May 14, 2013, 10:51 am
Hey everyone. Im new on here and I need some advice. It has been 8 months since my rights to my youngest daughter have been terminated. She is 3 years old now. Her new mom has been in my corner since day one and she has just presented me the opportunity tomorrow to see her for the first time...